Sunday, April 13, 2008

There needs to be a manual....

for going to a theme park for tourists...foreign and domestic.

British you not have sun over there? The blinding whiteness that are your limbs are shocking...especially when they turn BEET RED from the Florida sun. One word: sunscreen. Another thing....I admire that you don't feel the need to color coordinate. I like that you are confident like that. Nothing goes with pasty white like bright yellow, purple....and orange...and a striped top.

Speaking of tops: Dear lady from England I saw today....for the love of William, Mary and all other kings and queens of yore.....WEAR. A. BRA!!!! You, my 5 foot one, 160+ pounds lady, do NOT need to be wearing a Lycra tank top, with NO BRA.....on a chilly day. It was frightening. Not only were they heading due south, but they were POINTING the way. It's like a bad car accident. I tried to avoid my eyes, but I couldn't turn away. My retinas hurt.

Someone riddle me this: why wear flip-flops or open-toed sandals to a theme park?
1. Your toes are going to get smashed by the crowds & crowds of people with strollers and...feet.
2. Your toes are going to pick up dirt, food, vomit (yup), spilled drinks, dirty water after it rains, etc.
3. Your toes....are ugly. Stop. Please. Now, I know I have jacked up toes, but you do not see me walking around exposing them for the world to see. It's a small world after all.

Also, cute young ladies of all countries, why are you wearing high heels? Read # 3 above. If you keep wearing them, you too will have jacked up toes like me. You are in a theme park. How comfortable are you anyway? Trying to pick up boys? What are you doing in those heels?

Dear American Family of Four on the Monorail: It is not cute that your four year old screamed at the top of his lungs as a joke, "WE'RE TRAPPED! WE'RE STUCK! AHHHHHHHH!" when the monorail had to stop before we got to the station. Your lack of effort to keep him quiet was not appreciated. Neither were your smiles and pats. His yelling this 3 times when we stopped 3 times was not cute.

In America, WE WALK ON THE RIGHT SIDE of the road/sidewalk/walkway. I know we are backwards from most of the world, but for the love of Mickey, why can't we stay on one side? Right, right, right, please.

Also, we have to walk defensively all day, because we have to navigate the roads while guessing what other people are going to do because they don't watch where they are going. All day long I skirted people walking looking backwards at their party. Then there are people who are walking nicely on the right side....and then STOP right there to discuss what to do next. You don't have brake lights. Please pull over so I don't rear end you.

Ahhhh, I loves me some Walt Disney World!


Kristin aka kjnohr aka Trekkie Gal said...

Amen, sister!!

Big Sis said...

You are funny!

Kellis said...

Sounds like a super fun trip! ;)