Friday, September 27, 2013

Kə myo͞onəˈkāSHən

Com·mu·ni·ca·tion (kəˌmyo͞onəˈkāSHən)

There are many definitions of this word; the imparting or exchanging of information or news.  A letter or message containing information or news.  Social contact.

My choice definition is: The successful conveying or sharing of ideas and feelings.

I know that this is going to come across as hokey.  I know that this is going to come across as clichéd.  What I don't want this to come across as preachy, snobby or "I know better than you" because that's not the intention.

The intention is to let you know how important I found this word, communication, to be in my life.  As hokey as it sounds, communication helps bring my husband and I closer.

I get upset with my spouse at times, but keep the anger in, not wanting to rock the boat.  He does not say anything negative, not wanting to rock the boat.  Eventually, though, my blood gets to boiling over a perceived slight that he did not even realize he'd made. We fight and realize we're both thinking the other is thinking something else/wrong.  Why?  Because we don't communicate like we should.

Recently, (after a fight the previous day over a perceived slight, that  ended in me crying that I hated his night work schedule and I missed him)  we were in the kitchen alone together, and he hugs me and says "I know this is going to sound weird, but thank you for the fight.  Thank you for letting me know you feel the same way I do about us."

How'd he not know that I miss him?  Had I not communicated this in my actions and my words?  No, I had not.  I got lazy.  Shame on me.  Shame on him too.  We both got lazy.  Were we a bit proud too? Probably.

Together 14 years, married 11.  You'd think we'd have it down, right?  Nope.  It's a never-ending lesson, communication.  It's about knowing that your spouse/mate is not a mind reader and  you are not to be expected to be one either.  It's about not keeping it in, tamping down the emotions until they burst out in anger or tears.  It's about being able to talk to your "other" with love and affection, not accusations and contempt.  It's about sacrifice and putting "we" before "me."  That's hard to do.  We're  not wanting to be the first to cave; to show weakness.  For me, it's VERY hard and I have been making a super-strong effort  to be "we" before "me."

It is  not hard to communicate, when both parties are willing to try, that is.

1 comment:

Niki said...

Communication problems ended my parents' marriage after 48 years.
Keep up the hard work.
You two were made for each other.