Sunday, January 4, 2015
2014 was a trying year. It started out immediately with a swift kick in the throat.
I was left stunned, hurt, pained. I reached out to exactly fourteen people. The responses were so varied.
For the most part, I was loved. I was supported.
It also revealed things about people I did not expect.
The one person I thought would have my back most, did have my back, but only if I reacted in the way they felt I should. When I chose a different path, the anger and disappointment from their part was an ironic revelation; they forgot their own past that I supported wholeheartedly. We're not as close anymore.
And wonderfully, some people who I thought would rage and yell and overreact...didn't. When I chose my path, they walked with me. They said it was my choice and accepted everything with open arms. It was such a revelation to know that the ones I thought would lash out said "We support you, no matter what you choose." We're closer than before.
I lived in constant anxiety for about 5 months. My reading dropped. I didn't want to. I didn't want to work out. I didn't feel like blogging. I didn't want to think. Sadly, that's all one can do. You can't escape your own brain.
The strength I had and have to get through it all is my deep love for God/Jesus. I prayed a lot. I read the Bible. I went to church. I socialized with like-minded people there. I talked to close friends and relatives. It soothed me. It makes me a happier person and makes me sad for those people who are just so angry all the time.
2014 revealed a strength I knew I had, but not in the way most people today would expect. I don't live in a disposable, "that happened 5 minutes ago" world. In my world, actions have long-reaching repercussions. Everyone has to take the accolades as well as the blame for the path they choose. This life takes work and sometimes it "ain't" pretty.
The rest of the year was a time of growth and revelation of the good in life. Not perfection. Just satisfaction in the good that surrounds me, in the people I adore. It was a really good rest-of-the-year once I gave up the reigns.
I pray that 2015 allows you, and me, to continue to grow in awareness and understanding of all the good in your life. It's there. You just have to be open to it.